Helping teens learn how to ignore the noise of bullies and mean girls
I first wrote this piece on this night in 2019. Every year, I hope things have changed enough that I won’t feel the need to share it once again. Four years later…things have not changed enough.
We need to do better.
There are some times when it is really hard to “just shake it off”.
When my teens struggle with this…when it feels a little too heavy to just shake it off…we work together to discover and uncover other tools to help them navigate. Lately…we’ve been working to “ignore the noise”. But, man alive…I gotta tell ya…sometimes that is really hard, too. Sometimes the noise is just too loud. Last night was one of those times.
I laid awake last night arguing with myself about whether or not to even share this. Clearly, since you’re reading this…the momma bear and the writer in me won that argument. And the more I think about it, the timing is actually quite, well…timely.
mean girls
August is wrapping up. Summer is winding down. Our kiddos, if they haven’t already, will be heading back to school soon. Back to Mathematics, and English, and History, and Mean Girls. Wait…what?!? Yep…you read that correctly. Mean Girls. And…you know it’s true. Whether you want to admit it or not…the subject of Mean Girls is, unfortunately, a part of the unofficial curriculum in every school across the nation.
I wish it wasn’t. But it is.
So…let’s talk about it. I’ll go first.
To the young ladies who thought they were the only two in the room Tuesday evening…you weren’t. She was in there, too…working hard. You just didn’t see her. The critical, unkind, hurtful, and ugly words you spoke about this other young lady last night were heard. Loud and clear. And…that young lady had to fight really hard to forget those words and ignore your noise.
But she did fight.
And last night…despite your noise…there was something else that was heard. It was hidden deep in the wrinkles of her unsteady voice…but it could be heard.
I heard it.
Last night…through, above, and around your noise…the sound of confidence, and strength, and resilience began to break through. And pretty soon…it easily and beautifully drowned out the sharp notes of your cruel and meaningless noise.
To those two young ladies…
You didn’t break that other young lady’s spirit. You didn’t win. And as long as you put nothing out there but cruel and meaningless noise…you won’t ever win.
Stop criticizing. Stop comparing. Stop cutting others down.
Stop making So. Much. Noise.
**If you, your child, or someone you know is a victim of bullying, please visit StopBullying.gov. Learn how to identify bullying and stand up to it safely.**
SO, SO GOOD Nikki! Your gift of expressing yourself, of telling the story in a powerful yet simple way, is AMAZING!
I think is so much harder for kids these days. When we were teens, we could go home and take a break from it all. With social media it’s now in all of our homes and kids never get a break.
I absolutely agree with you, Shelly!
Thank you for taking a minute to share your thoughts!
-Nikki
As a former victim of bullying when I was in school, I can relate to this so much. Unfortunately, it seems like kids are getting crueler as the years go by.
Elizabeth –
I’m sorry to hear that you experienced the noise of mean girls. ❤️
It is all too prevalent and we need to continue the conversations and education.
After repeated trips to the school to calmly discuss kids picking on my son and getting no satisfactory results, I decided to take matters into my own hands and make house calls. I emphatically stated that if I had to drop in one more time, they’d be talking to my lawyer. Someone didn’t appreciate my visit and reported me to the school. The principal called me and asked me to stop my visits. I told her that if she was doing her job, I wouldn’t have to make house calls. Needless to say, I never had to confront anyone again after that.
I’m sorry to hear that your children, and you, have experienced this, Michelle.
Nikki, I can’t tell you how many times I told my two girls that once they get out of Middle/High School and into College, this will change and those “Mean Girls” will not be involved in their lives anymore. They both are thriving in their lives and the “Mean Girls” that tormented them, as young teens , are just a blip in their radar. Making a strong daughter/son, in a small town, is hard but not impossible! Love you my friend! <3
You have raised two beautiful and strong young women! I’m proud of how my daughter worked through this and hope that I can continue to model for her the tools she needs to continue to grow and thrive in an often unkind culture.
– Nikki
This has always been true but seems to be getting so much worse. So hard to see and hear all these mean things from the same group that should be supporting each other.
So very hard, Jan.
But we will continue to persevere and, hopefully, shine! ❤️
– Nikki